Manliness in Dating, Pickup and Seduction Techniques

Greetings, my fellow masters of intimacy.

Today I’d like to talk to you about dating. I’ve always felt that the standard fast-seduction methods were too synthetic to my liking. They work, there’s no doubt about it – but using them leaves a bad aftertaste in my mouth; it makes me feel like a dirty manipulator.

I prefer to use a very different approach to dating, and in the next few paragraphs I will share my philosophy and methods with you. I like to look at my choices through the following  pyramid:

Logical Levels

Where each level is the driving force for change in the level underneath it:

• Behavior can alter the environment.
• Capability can improve behavior.
• Values can drive one to develop new capabilities.
• Identity can define and shape values and beliefs.

Whenever I am choosing a way to improve myself, I always compare the choices in these hierarchical terms. And it usually seems better to choose the option that will affect the higher levels – since a smaller change at the top will have much larger effects at the bottom.

Now, examine the majority of recommendations coming from the fast-seduction community – choosing friendly territory, bringing wingmen, acting a certain way, using certain patterns in your speech, etc. The one thing that immediately jumps at you is that none of them rise abose the “Behavior” level.

I have two problems with this:

1. If I alter my environment and behavior for the purpose of seduction without altering myself, it feels synthetic. I’m doing it because I know that’s what works, but I keep feeling that it’s:
a) Dishonest. I am trying to show the girl something that she wants, but that something isn’t REALLY me.
b) Hard work. Instead of relaxing and enjoying the interaction, I have to constantly “play the part”.

2. If all my efforts are directed towards what I do and where I am, the moment I stop – I will realize that nothing is left. There is no permanent positive effect, as all my efforts were spent for temporary gain.

For these reasons, I prefer a different approach. I don’t want to go to the right places and do the right things. I want to BE the right person.

I don’t want to appear to be what women want. I want to BECOME the man they want.

Don’t appear smart – become smart;
Don’t play the role of a great lover – become a great lover.

This way, not only will you attract the women you want to attract, but:
1. You will be yourself and relax while doing it, without making any conscious “effort”.
2. Every effort you spend will improve you in a permanent way and the benefits will stay with you. You won’t be working to seduce, you will be working to improve yourself and the seductions will come as a side effect.

Who Do You Want To Be?

Now, if we agree that “being” is better that “acting”, the question becomes – what real improvement do you want to make in yourself?

From my experience, the elements that impress women the most are the following.

1. Appearance (yes, this is #1 guys). You don’t have to look like Brad Pitt, but you do need to be appealing, in the most primal and natural sense of this word:

a) Be healthy. Eat a good diet, exercise regularly, make sure that your shoulders are wider than your hips. It doesn’t take much to be healthier than 95% of the guys out there – just get it done.

b) Be clean. Once again, I don’t mean getting a clean appearance for dates – everything I’m talking about should be an intrinsic change in who you are. Shower and brush your teeth every day, keep a clean home and a clean car, a simple well-done manly haircut, trimmed nails, healthy skin (if you have acne, go to a dermatologist and get it fixed), etc.

c) Be tasteful. Notice again that I didn’t just say “dress well”; I want you to BE a man of good taste, not just someone who applies pre-selected good taste when others are looking. Learn the basics of a good wardrobe, fine alcoholic beverages, good food, etc.

2. Conversation. Guys, women are very audial creatures – you can literally talk a woman to orgasm. I kid you not.

Sign up for toastmasters and learn to deliver good speeches, learn some improv, try doing stand-up or perform at talent shows; read up on current events, interesting and unusual facts, good jokes and historical anecdotes. A good conversationalist has:
a) Knowledge.
b) Humor / Wit.
c) Eloquence.

And all these things can be acquired and perfected with practice.

3. Confidence. This is easy to acquire once you have the previous two items taken care of, but there is also an intrinsic element to it that doesn’t really come from the external environment. Confidence is a deep understanding that you can control everything in your environment, and that anything bad that might happen – is really not so bad.

I like to approach this issue from the Stoic point of view. Practice the worst – if you’re worried about embarrassment, embarrass yourself on purpose in the worst way imaginable; if you’re worried about rejection, make it a point to get rejected at least 100 times in the next month. Any fear you may have – bring it to life in a controlled environment and see, up close, how bad it really is.

Seneca used to recommend that every man of means must live in poverty and hunger for at leats one day every week, to see that there is nothing to fear in poverty. Use the same approach for anything that might inhibit your behavior or limit your freedom.

Practice the things that scare you as much as you can. Repetition is the best way to excellence.

4. Morality. You won’t hear anyone talk about it today, but the vast majority of women are secretly injecting this meaning into any discussion they have about “masculine” behavior.

Real Men say what they mean, mean what they say, and always do what they said they would do. They are consistent in keeping their word and true to their tastes.

They respect others’ privacy and don’t talk about things that aren’t theirs to talk about.

They treat others with respect, and avoid doing anything to offend those close to them (and yes, “shut up” is an insult; a true gentleman may think it, but he will never say it).

They treat women as fragile and valuable beings – it may infuriate a few feminists, but the vast majority of women want to be protected and spoiled a little. Every woman has a little bit of a child in her – you need to make her feel like an important person, but shield her from the elements at the same time.

If you work on yourself and become the man you want to be, trust me, there will be no need to consciously “seduce” anyone.

Women will want you as much as you want them, and perhaps more – since you will be in much shorter supply

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Sincerely yours,
Ethan.